Why is it wrong to have sex before marriage?

Here's my take.

In my opinion, sex is the ultimate act of sharing yourself with someone.  Being naked together and exchanging body fluids is about as intimate as you can get!

Precisely because it is such an intimate act, having sex is often called 'making love.'  A hot, sweaty game of tennis doesn't mess with your emotions; a hot, sweaty romp in bed does.

So it isn't necessarily sex before marriage that I believe is wrong; it's sex before a true commitment to a life together.  Marriage puts the official seal on that commitment--which I'm all in favor of for a variety of reasons--but if an engaged couple jumps the gun, well, so be it!

Three additional comments:
a) Society has chosen to disallow gay marriage, so two women or two men who are deeply in love and have been committed to each other for a long time have no choice but to have 'sex before marriage.'

b) No birth control is perfect.  This is the very practical reason for putting sex off until after marriage.  Children need and deserve two loving parents, when at all possible.  To deliberately risk giving birth to a child whose father is a one-night-stand and whose identity isn't even known for sure is (in my opinion) akin to child abuse.

c) Sexually-transmitted diseases abound.  Again to risk contracting something life-altering just to enjoy 'a romp in bed' is pretty stupid.  "I didn't think it would happen to me" are words that make me sad to hear . . . 

 

I believe that the giving of yourself sexually to another is the way that you show that other person

your love for them.  Nowadays it seems that people just have sex just for the fun of it and there is not much love involved.  I have seen women and men meet each other for the first time and jump in the sack and think nothing of it.  I believe it is wrong to have sex before marriage because it was intended that sex was the bond between a man and his wife.  Call me old fashioned, but when you wait and the person you marry knows that he has saved himself for you and you have saved yourself for him, what a gift... [Caution to all of those of delicate moral dispositions, and those with little sense of humour or fun, this answer will question many of your long-held presumptions - I am a free-thinker and here is some of it. However, at the same time, do realise that I have lived with the same person for more than three decades. Oh what contradictions!]


You can see this as a matter of control in the private life of others, and as a way of justifying the ritual of marriage, where one might be inclined to see that the participants are receiving permission to do ’naughty’ things from their shaman of whatever religion and from the State (after all one has to sign up at the local town hall, or its equivalent, as well).

One can see that there is some degree of reason in it, to stop fights and the spread of disease, to prevent genetically unsuitable liaisons and, above all, make sure that there is a minimum support group for the raising of progeny. Certainly, having only one parent around is not best for the child (I know, my father died before I was born), and having two ’parents’ the same sex cannot provide enough contrast in behaviours, thinking and approaches to physical and emotional challenges, whatever those in single-sex relationships aver.

But have to wait for permission? Well, maybe there is a grain of sense in that the pair concerned might have some teaching on relationships, on communal life, on child-care from their shaman first, but that is what families, friends (and friends’ parents), schools and books are for anyway.

So, for me it is a matter of controlling others, of making a natural function appear something special and significant. Certainly, letting someone else so intimately close is not something to do without at least some thought - the other person might be an axe-murderer! But since the coming of efficient contraception and disease education and protection, marriage is not the only way to handle the serious problems with sex.

As to what is sex? Beyond the physical means of continuing the race, it is a joyous delight for confirming, renewing, continuing a very close affection and friendship. Yes, it can also help remove a physical ’itch’, but that is a very limited view of sexual intimacy.